Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
