Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
