Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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