Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
