Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
