You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
