i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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