I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize