I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
