I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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