Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We named our party play list daddy issues
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
