I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
