Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
