dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
