is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
now i know why i became what i already was.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
