are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my being single is dangerous.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
