He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
