can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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