Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
