Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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