I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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