I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
