in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
