im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
