I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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