Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
