I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
