I think I am morally bankrupt
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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