Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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