I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
