Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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