The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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