I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
