Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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