No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
