im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
