so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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