I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
worst night to have a conscience
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize