He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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