Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize