You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
