school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
