I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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