the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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