Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
