I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
