He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
