I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
