What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
