Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
