One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
