Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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