i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
