My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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