Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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