Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
