can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
