Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
