The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
