where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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