Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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