when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
