yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
