I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
