Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
