I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
