FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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