Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
