dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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