Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
