if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
