I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
