listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
